Kindergarten here we come!

Hannah sitting with the other kindergartners.

On my birthday Hannah had Kindergarten Orientation. She was so excited about going, I am not sure I was as excited. At the beginning of the week we went up to the school to pick up some paperwork to fill out. While we were there Hannah got to meet one of the kindergarten teachers and the principal. She has to be going to the friendliest school around. This will be very helpful for her little personality. She is very quiet in new situations, so it will be great for her to "know" some of the teachers and staff. The orientation was set up wonderful. They had the kids sit in the cafeteria and the 3 kindergarten teachers read them a story. It took a minute to convince Hannah that she could sit with the group of kids, but once she sat down, she did not even look back. After the story they took the kids to the kindergarten rooms and had them do a craft while they talked to the parents. There was one instance when the principal was visiting with the us that I thought I might actually break down, but all I had to do was look across the table. What I saw when I looked across the table was something that I did not want to be. There was a sweet little first time kindergarten mommy sobbing her eyes out! Once I saw her I thought to myself I cannot look like that. She had what some called the "ugly cry". I try not to show my ugly cry to a lot of people and I knew that if I started, I might not be able to control it and I might let these people I had never met see the ugly cry. I pulled it together and listened to what would be expected of myself and our little bitty Hannah. Part of it did not even feel real. Can it be that she is old enough to go to real school? Can it be that she is big enough to be without me all day long five days a week? Is it true that someone else will spend more time with her during her awake hours than I will? The answer is yes to all the above. I think of all these things and cannot believe that this is happening.

When conveying this thought, I had someone ask me why I do not just home school her, at least the 1st year or so. My response is that I WANT HER TO ACTUALLY LEARN. I feel like I could not teach her the things she needs to know nor do I feel as though I could give her the undevoted time she would need to effectively learn. I think that if you are able to home school your kids and fit in everything else, well, you are more organized and talented than I am. I have a hard enough time making sure I actually play with my kids, get the laundry done, pick up the house, and possibly cook dinner. If I had to add a few hours a day to teaching her how to read, spell, do math, and science all on my own, I might succeed, but I am sure I personally would have to neglect something else to achieve it. I feel confident that she is in a great school with great teachers. This is all why we moved to the neighborhood we are in. We searched out the school we wanted, and narrowed our search for houses. It was even weird 2 1/2 years ago thinking about school and such, but thank the Lord we did. All of this is great, but it will probably not make August any easier on us or probably her too.

Hannah and "aunt" Dawn

I forgot to mention that one of our good friends has been a teacher at Hannah's school for a few years. Although there is no blood relation, this family has been by our side for many many years and our kids even call them "aunt" and "uncle" and the kids their "cousins". Poor Hannah even got upset one time because some kids from church argued with her that they were not her "cousins". She knows no different. All this to say, I think this too will be extremely helpful. When you are little and you don't know many people, but you see a familiar face, it can change your day. I feel like I am painting her as this emotionally fragile little girl...she is not, but I just worry about her. You always worry about some other kids being mean to yours and no adult notices. I want her to always be included or be chosen, but I know that she won't, but I still want that for her. Really, I like to be in control of the situations where my children are, meaning I like to make sure that everyone is always fair, especially to my kids. It is a mommy thing, but also it is my thing. I like to protect my kids from anything that could hurt or harm them physically and emotionally. I also want to make sure that my child is not the one hurting or harming anyone physically or emotionally. I want her to be kind and love the kids that others are not nice too. I want her in her little way show them the love of Christ.

All of the above is hard to do when they are not with you. Preschool has been the most time in one week that she has been away from me and her brothers. So to go from two days a week to all day everyday will be an adjustment for everyone. I know it is just a part of growing up. Almost everyone eventually does it and my child will be just fine. So, this summer will be the best summer ever. We are going to take advantage of the last summer before she starts school. (I wish I could say that I will teach the kids to sleep later than 7:45 am, but they won't.) What I mean is that we are going to play play play. We will deal with school issues closer to August and that is that. No need to be sad all summer about this!